I’m sure most of my Busby SEO Test friends have fallen or is in (or out of) love at this point. Surprisingly, not understanding how “love” works can put any of us into chaos. That is why Andrew G. Marshall’s book, “I Love You, but I’m Not IN Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship” is an interesting one to read. The author explains that love can be classified into three types. They are:

• LIMERENCE
  A term coined by experimental pyschologist Dorothy Tennov. This comes when a spark of interest is returned and becomes a thunderbolt. In another view, this can also sneak up and in retrospect the moment is recognized as something very special – like a realization or you see someone in a different light.

  It is possible for the object of desire to remain a complete stranger or unaware of our feelings. It can be a borderline crazy obsession or love behavior. It is a curse as much as it is a pleasure. Love is given no matter how bad or good the other behaves. That is how strong the attraction is.

  However, it is also normal for it to wear off as we move on to the next affair hoping the “buzz” will last forever. A limerence may last from 6 months to 3 years.  So don’t feel bad if the feeling just dies. It is like talking about loving but not being in love at all. Lines like “true love conquers all” and “I’ll love you no matter what” are built on poet’s experience of limerence.

• LOVING ATTACHMENT (after LIMERENCE)
  Marshall says that this is equally beautiful as limerence although is more practical, tackles life complexities, and practical demands of being together. However, love can deteriorate once parties take each other for granted. This includes lack of physical intimacy and preventing each other from being different enough.

  However, if reciprocity is consistent, it can last forever.

• AFFECTIONATE REGARD
  If loving attachment has been neglected and couples have detached, their “love” turns into affectionate regard. This is the same feeling we have for our parents, children, siblings, and best friends. It makes us care for someone, wanting the best for them, but their destiny no longer intertwines with us. It is like no matter how bad our children treat us or friends/lovers disappoint us, our “love” (affectionate regard) for them endures.

  This is where the love is when someone says the line, “I love you but I’m not in love with you”.

Marshall believes that any relationship can be saved and has a seven step process for it that includes:

• Understanding the stages of a relationship
• Using arguments to improve a relationship
• Speak the same language of love
• Boosting intimacy
• Taking responsibility
• Giving
• Learning

It is a great read and I encourage you to check it out.

Related:

• 10 Ways to Say I Love You
• 20 Secrets of Great Relationships

Love is definitely a lot more than the words “I love you”. I’m sure my Busby SEO Test friends will agree with me on this. It can and should be expressed in many ways to our life partners, parents, children, and other loved ones. The I Love You Book by Cynthia MacGregor and Vic Bobb detailed more than 500 ways to show the ones you love that you care. Here are some of the ideas that I liked from the book.

1. Come up with a list “Top Ten Reasons Why I Love You”.
You can cite more as a bonus. Another alternative will be “Top Ten Reasons Why I’ll Marry You All Over Again”.

2. Buy magazines or books that are a subject interest to your partner.
Especially when they are sick or down.

3. Make a CD collection.
Put your theme song and others that define you as a couple.

4. Post a message declaring your love on a blog or online forum.

5. Serenade.
Sing a love song to your loved one.

6. Remember the first date.
Celebrate your first date anniversary.

7. Write a poem or song.
Dedicated to your beloved.

8. Buy a movie.
The one that your partner always like or wanting to watch.

9. Star gazing
Go out and look at the stars together.

10. Read the same book and talk about it.

Feel free to add more and share your I love you ideas.

Related:

• 20 Secrets of Great Relationships